Through the meat grinder.

Warning: This is going to be one of those negative posts with nothing really good to say. You've been warned.

Today, I feel like garbage. I feel like a nobody with nothing good to offer. These last two sentences have taken me about 10 minutes to write, because words are just not coming to me right now. But I feel like I should try to get some of this out of me, even if nobody ever reads it. I feel like I lack a lot of things that other people have, such as emotional range. I seem to have two states lately: flat and sad. Not that flat is that bad, but I would like to feel genuinely happy and content sometime. I think the worst part is that I have nobody in my life close enough to me that notices when I'm down, who cares enough to try to help lift me up out of the darkness. It seems that people are either entrenched in their own darkness, or they are just too busy living their own lives to care. Most of the time I can handle things, but when I can't I begin to feel isolated and far away from everyone. What came first, the chicken or the egg? In other words, do I feel isolated because I'm depressed or am I depressed because I feel isolated? I think it's a vicious cycle of which I may never be free.