Alright, this is it. I am officially cutting myself off from having junk food all the time. While I may look the same with my clothes on, as soon as I take my clothes off I might as well slap on a coconut bra and a hula skirt while eating bratwurst and singing the praises of a certain legendary football team known simply as 'da Bears'.
Because I'm not getting all the exercise I need in the bedroom, I'm going to have to break down and go to the gym. But I'll have to warm up at home, due to the inevitability of hotties sweating it up in lululemon pants (which are the best invention of the 21st century by the way) and tank tops. These are the precautions a horny, single man must take to avoid inadvertently spilling semen on the cardio equipment.
Now I know what you're thinking. We're not even 1/10th of the way into the 21st century and we already have the greatest invention of the century in our midst? My simple answer is 'yes, yes we do'. I mean, have you seen how good girl ass looks in those things? If Hillary Clinton really wanted to stick it to Obama, she would have worn some of those during the debates. Nothing like a blonde white woman in some tight ass pants to make you forget your opinion of the war. But I digress...
Gyms are a social place, so I might even meet some new people there. I might even meet a girl. If so, she better be wearing lululemons. And not be scared of a man wearing a coconut bra and wielding bratwurst.
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