Through the meat grinder.

Warning: This is going to be one of those negative posts with nothing really good to say. You've been warned.

Today, I feel like garbage. I feel like a nobody with nothing good to offer. These last two sentences have taken me about 10 minutes to write, because words are just not coming to me right now. But I feel like I should try to get some of this out of me, even if nobody ever reads it. I feel like I lack a lot of things that other people have, such as emotional range. I seem to have two states lately: flat and sad. Not that flat is that bad, but I would like to feel genuinely happy and content sometime. I think the worst part is that I have nobody in my life close enough to me that notices when I'm down, who cares enough to try to help lift me up out of the darkness. It seems that people are either entrenched in their own darkness, or they are just too busy living their own lives to care. Most of the time I can handle things, but when I can't I begin to feel isolated and far away from everyone. What came first, the chicken or the egg? In other words, do I feel isolated because I'm depressed or am I depressed because I feel isolated? I think it's a vicious cycle of which I may never be free.

Fat Fuckin' Tuesday, or I ramble on about stuff...

Alright, this is it. I am officially cutting myself off from having junk food all the time. While I may look the same with my clothes on, as soon as I take my clothes off I might as well slap on a coconut bra and a hula skirt while eating bratwurst and singing the praises of a certain legendary football team known simply as 'da Bears'.

Because I'm not getting all the exercise I need in the bedroom, I'm going to have to break down and go to the gym. But I'll have to warm up at home, due to the inevitability of hotties sweating it up in lululemon pants (which are the best invention of the 21st century by the way) and tank tops. These are the precautions a horny, single man must take to avoid inadvertently spilling semen on the cardio equipment.

Now I know what you're thinking. We're not even 1/10th of the way into the 21st century and we already have the greatest invention of the century in our midst? My simple answer is 'yes, yes we do'. I mean, have you seen how good girl ass looks in those things? If Hillary Clinton really wanted to stick it to Obama, she would have worn some of those during the debates. Nothing like a blonde white woman in some tight ass pants to make you forget your opinion of the war. But I digress...

Gyms are a social place, so I might even meet some new people there. I might even meet a girl. If so, she better be wearing lululemons. And not be scared of a man wearing a coconut bra and wielding bratwurst.

I walk alone.

I know what you're thinking. He didn't just quote from a Green Day song, did he? What a fruit.

Well, relax. It fits with my mood right now, so shaddup. I was doing so well there for a while. Nothing seemed to really get to me, and I felt as close to content as I've felt in a really long time. But as usual, it doesn't last.

I don't know why, but I've been thinking about my ex lately....and I've discovered I still house some bitterness toward her. After we broke up, she said she wanted to be friends someday but has done nothing towards that end. I sent her an email a couple weeks ago, just a friendly 'hi...this is whats new with me, whats new with you' sort of email. I got no response, which means that friendship is probably not in the cards. I can accept that, but I can't help being angry about the past. Kinda makes me wish for the 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' solution of stabbing my brain repeatedly until I can't remember her name.

These thoughts just leave me feeling empty and alone, so I don't know why I've been indulging them today. I guess just realizing how alone I really am, and how very little game I have with women which ensures I'll be alone for a long time to come.

God, I need to get laid.

Well, I finally did it.

I finally joined the 21st century, and I have my own little place on the web to put my thoughts; be they disgusting, humorous, sad, or happy.

I literally sat for 10 minutes trying to think of something to call it, and 'Verbal Bukkake' just made me laugh, even though it doesn't really make a lot of sense. Be that as it may, that is what this place is called, and I think it fits with my disgusting sense of humor.

Well, I feel an actual post coming on...so I might as well get right to it.